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getting ready to go to the club

friend i have known for 9 years died, grandpa died, got a nasty spider bite, got a really really bad infection that spread through my body. my teachers wonder why i am not "performing at my best ability" maybe my ability is thrown off my everything sucky that is going on.

with every thing else sucking at least we got some good news.

my sister is having a boy and despite everything that would cause complications, the baby and my sister are healthy! she has a couple of "growths" on her overaies but they said everything will be fine with a c section.!!

we had a welcome home party for my cousin who was in iraq!! yay sammy is home!!!

but god am i sick of everyone smiling and giggling and rolling their stupid eyes every time i say i want to be a doctor.
why can't i?? its all i have ever wanted to be. i seriously can't think of anything i want to do more than be a doctor.

fuck them, i can do it on my own i don't need them for anything. i will just keep my mouth wrapped around my beer bottle and walk away with a smile. im not a part of that family anyway. shit im not a part of any family. im always going to be the youngest (girl) cousin so they all have to treat me like that. shit ryan and eric are younger than me and they got less shit about drinking at theparty than i did. oh well i won't go next time and i will drink my own fucking beer.

i have been hating everything recently. if something doesn't change soon i know something bad will happen. fuck saving up for a car that works. im saving up for an apartment and moving to the fucking cheapest apartment as far aways as possible and the only contact i  will have is with my nephew and calling my sister on christmas.


that kind of breaks my heart. im one of those silly girls who thinks being a doctor is all about saving people and making people's lives better.

i feel like a bad person for wanting to get as far away as possible from everyone in my life.

does that make me a bad person? or does everyone feel like that??
thank you! i think your the only person who thinks that but its enough to keep me from droping out and working at BBV forever

i think you are the coolest person in the world. thank you! i really hope your right. nothing easy is worth it if it is easy i guess